Welcome to Raine's
by Kage
Summary: Raine is a woman long dead, but her ghost still lives on while memories of her lost past--and lost family--haunt her. WARNING: Possible spoilers. EXTRA WARNING: Flashbacks. Major flashbacks. ~_^ Read, enjoy, and review if you like!


Welcome to Raine's

Welcome to Raine's

By Kagé

~*Out of the Blue*~

_Drifting…floating…time seems irrelevant to me, as well as my conscious and formless body. I am just moving on a whim, going wherever that spatial current takes me. My hands…my feet…my senses…they aren't even really mine, nor under my control. Swaying with the movements, no sense of direction or thought whatsoever…until…_

_ _

_Eyes…opening? I can see…I can see someone standing in front of me, brown hair, brown eyes, washing a glass with a worn out dishrag…Can that be…_

_ _

_Me…?_

Yes, it is. I finally recognize my own face, something I haven't seen in a long time. I can't do anything else but watch myself, scrubbing away and humming rather tunelessly under my breath. What's going on? How long…?

***

I neatly deposited the gleaming cup upside down on the rack, tucking the dishcloth under my skirt belt. With practiced ease, I reached back and bundled up my warm brown hair, tucking it up under a handkerchief over my head. The day was calm and quiet in my bar, although the business was really slow. 

The door slammed open and Ellone came racing in, sobbing at the top of her little lungs. I muffled a grin at the sight of her innocent childishness and then walked around the bar counter to catch her in my arms.

"What is it, Ellone?" I asked, kissing the top of her silky dark-haired head.

"I fell down," Ellone explained through her tears, hiccupping in her anxiety to force her story out of her little throat. "Hurt my knee, Raine." She looked up at me pathetically through a curtain of wet, salty liquid.

"Oh, poor girl." I made a show over the little scrape, frowning in a mockery of a concerned doctor and making such faces that Ellone forgot her pain and giggled out loud.

"Well, we can just wash it and wrap a cloth around it and it'll be as good as new," I finally announced, suiting action to word. "So what happened this time? Was it Cody again?"

Ellone nodded, waiting impatiently while I finished wrapping up her wound. "He tripped me."

"Stay away from him then, okay? And…don't go outside so much anymore. Mrs. Tilincht told me that her husband was just attacked by monsters yesterday, and he was just going to buy some supplies for her. He barely escaped with the groceries, not to mention his life! I doubt any of the other children will be wandering outside anyway."

"Okay, Raine." Ellone impulsively gave me a childish hug, along with a kiss on my cheek. Then she raced upstairs, probably intent on that new card game that I had just taught her.

I sat back on my heels and then stood up, ready to finish the rest of the dishes. So little to do, and so much time to do it in. Maybe I could join Ellone after this…

***

"Ellone! What are you doing?" I laughed as the little girl pranced around the bar, grinning back at her lighthearted observers. She was decked out in a wreath and crown of my beautiful flowers that I grew myself. 

The white, graceful flowers nodded generously all around them, clinging in their tight braid to Ellone's hair. She giggled and took a deep breath of their rich smell, laughing again in delight when a bending flower elegantly touched her nose before swinging back again.

I smiled and simply watched, joy filling my heart as I watched her start a pretend conversation with the flower hanging directly over her head. This was one of those beautiful, rare moments that I wished I could treasure forever…

***

It was raining again. Would it never stop raining? It was a good thing I had put Ellone to bed a while ago, or else she would have never gone to sleep with all of that thunder going on. It was amazing that she could even still sleep through the ruckus of the hurricane-aspiring storm.

I sighed and stared listlessly out of the nearby window, drumming my fingers on the counter top in a restless beat. My bar was closed, since it was unlikely that anyone would happen by in this storm. And I was bored out of my mind.

I couldn't go to sleep, and like hell I would go take a walk out in that rain. _Raine…rain. I giggled softly and then chided myself at my silliness. I was more bored than I thought. Sighing, I rose from my seat and turned to go up the stairs in order to make what I knew to be a vain attempt to get some sleep._

The door crashed open so loudly I thought the wood frame had shattered into tiny splinters. I whirled around to see a tall shadow standing stock-still in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, we're close—" I began right before the man took one stumbling step into the room and collapsed face down onto the floor. 

I stared at him, shocked to say the least. Finally, I shook myself out of my surprise and stepped up to his still form, shaking him as gently as I could.

"Hey! Are you okay?" I asked, and then added in the next instant, "Well, of course you're not okay if you're just lying there like that. I'd better flip you over before you suffocate yourself…"

It took a while because the stranger was very muscular, but years of shoving mugs full of beer at half-drunk people and throwing drunkards out when they caused havoc lent me most of my strength. I laboriously turned the man over and caught sight of a rather squared off face, ruggedly handsome with the tangle (yes, _tangle) of shoulder length black hair framing it. Something about that face caught me in its grasp, even though I didn't even know who he was…_

***

"I'm Laguna Loire," he said in a cheerful, warm voice. "Thanks for taking care of me, Drizzle."

"It's Raine," I corrected with a roll of my eyes. This Laguna was quite a handful to take care of, and I could tell by his bantering that he was quite bored with staying in bed, thank you very much.

"Hi, Laguna!" Ellone squealed cheerfully, bouncing into the room. She had taken an instant liking to the wanderer and loved nothing better than to play around with him. I shook my head and wondered privately if Laguna would be a bad influence on Ellone or not. 

"So, what do I do after Your Majesty lets me out of bed?" Laguna asked, accompanied by Ellone's delighted laugh.

I sighed tolerantly and counted to ten. "You could help me at the bar and earn your keep until you leave," I told him. 

"Hmm…" Laguna turned his dark eyes to the window, where the Winhill square below remained empty and silent. "Why aren't there any children outside today? It's a perfectly beautiful day."

"We have a little problem with monsters," I answered with a slight grimace. One of those hideous worm-like creatures had tried to attack me when I went to visit Mrs. Tilincht. I had managed to slam my door in its ugly face just in time. "None of the children have been outside for months, and the adults don't go out much, either. The reason why you didn't run into any of them was because it was raining too hard, so the monsters were all wherever they go when they're not tormenting Winhill."

"Monster problem?" Laguna's eyes became thoughtful. "Maybe that's how I can earn my keep. I don't think I'll be leaving for a while anyway; my travel tendencies can hold off until I can repay you for taking care of me."

"Oh? What do you plan on doing?"

"Well, I might be able to fix that 'little problem with monsters,'" Laguna replied seriously.

The skeptical look on my face gave me away. Laguna laughed at my expression, Ellone quickly joining in with him.

"Don't be so doubtful!" he chided me humorously. "I used to be a soldier for the Galbadian army, you know."

"'Galbadia'?" I echoed the word with some distaste on my tongue. The Galbadians…I quickly glanced at Ellone and relaxed when I saw that she hadn't noticed anything.

Laguna shrugged. "They were an okay bunch, but I quit a while ago. I think I still remember how to fight, though," he added with a quirk to his eyebrows.

I finally let go of my tension enough to laugh out loud. "I daresay that you do…" 

***

"Hey, Ellone! Better hurry up before the monsters get you!"

I sighed again, something that I had been doing lately. Laguna was at it again; this time, he was encouraging Ellone to come running across the square by herself. He was apparently positive that there were no monsters to get her yet.

Ellone burst into the bar, excitement shining in her little face. I schooled my face into a perfect scowl and crossed my arms, staring down at her.

"And what were you doing, going out without any supervision?" I asked her. 

Ellone quailed and backed out of the door, only to bump into Laguna. "I let her," he said calmly to me. So far, he was the only person I knew who could stand up to my wrath. Ellone looked at me reproachfully while she hid behind Laguna's legs.

"Laguna!" I rolled my eyes exasperatedly and went back to scrubbing the surface of the bar counter. "By the way, there's someone here to see you."

"Oh? Who?" he asked curiously, pulling Ellone out from behind him.

I tucked the cleaning cloth away and jerked a thumb at the man standing in a corner. He came out of the light, dressed in strange clothes and wearing a big grin on his dark face.

"Kiros!" Laguna exclaimed happily, stepping to his friend. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Kiros returned. "Never thought you would settle down in a place like this."

Laguna shrugged and changed the subject. "Where's Ward?"

"Oh. Ward never got his voice back after that raid at Esthar, so he…"

Their conversation dulled out into the distance while I busied myself with cleaning the already clean counter. Well, one couldn't be too perfect.

"…Julia…?" I heard Laguna ask hopefully. Julia? Who was she?

"…married…General Caraway…" I couldn't hear all of Kiros' returning statement, so shrugged and dismissed the matter. Julia had apparently been close to Laguna for a while. I guess it didn't really bother me. Sort of.

"Hey, Raine? I'm going to take Kiros with me on my patrol. We'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure. Have fun!" I said as I watched the two men leave the bar.

Having finished the chores, I walked upstairs to the upper room to wait, Ellone eagerly following me. Once there, I stood by the window and looked out, bathing myself in the fresh sunshine that I could never seem to get enough of.

After a long while, Ellone perked up. "What do you think of Laguna, Raine?" she asked innocently.

_What did I…? What kind of question was that?_

"Why?" I asked without turning around.

"Just curious," she replied.

"Well, if you really must know, I think Laguna is a…" I proceeded to fill Ellone in on all of the points about Laguna that bothered me, even the small, minimal matters that I had never noticed before this. 

_But there's still something about him, a telltale voice whispered in the back of my mind as I talked._

Abruptly, Laguna walked in, followed by Kiros. I stopped talking and tried not to blush, wondering how much he had heard and believed was true.

Apparently, not that much. He headed straight to Ellone and gave her the same report that delighted her so much, and which also seemed to amuse Kiros as well. 

I watched indulgently and couldn't help but let a tiny smile light my face. He wasn't really that bad after all…

***

"Laguna, what do you want?" I asked of the man who stood in front of me, moonlight shadowing him features as he tilted his head rather shyly away from me. It was true that Ellone was in bed and cared for and that I had closed the bar, but I still didn't like standing out in the middle of a field in the heart of the night when I could be fast asleep in my warm bed. Yes, perhaps even warm with the body of another; the same person who stood in front of me right now. But even he couldn't get away with dragging me away from me safe and cozy haven just to stand out in a field.

Laguna seemed even more tongue-tied than usual tonight. He opened his mouth as if he wanted words to come out, but nothing came. We had definitely grown closer over the past month that he had been with Ellone and me; so close, in fact, that we were almost like a real family. The only thing that kept us from being one was the fact that Laguna and I were most definitely not formally attached. 

I had a feeling that that fact would be changing tonight.

"Raine, I…I know that I've only been here for a month," Laguna began, scratching the side of his head with one awkward hand. "And I know that you really didn't like me when I first got here."

"But that's not true now. You know that," I smiled encouragingly at him.

Laguna nodded, inhaling. "I…Raine, I have to be completely honest with you. This isn't the first time that I've felt this way about someone, but that other person is long gone in my past. And she and you are…so much different from each other that there's no way that I can even begin to compare you with her." He tilted his head backwards and stared up at the full moon that hovered like a waiting promise over our heads. "To tell the truth, I used to lie in bed here in Winhill and wonder what life would be like if I never knew you—how I would be doing right now if I…if I _had_ stayed with Julia. But then…" Laguna smiled gently as if he were remembering something from the past. "But then I'd turn my head and see you sleeping next to me. I'd listen to you breathe and I'd feel your heart beating next to mine, so close that I could just feel them coming together with each heartbeat. And you know what?"

"What?" I responded, staring intently at Laguna's profile.

He turned, facing me completely. "I always knew, right in that moment, that _this_ is where I belonged—with you and Ellone and Winhill."

I turned on a heel and faced my back to him, looking up at the hill that we had descended from in order to reach where we were. "Laguna, it's getting late. I need to check on Ellone."

"Wait, wait!" Laguna grabbed my arm as I started up the hill, worry knotting like a fist in my stomach at leaving Ellone alone for too long. I whirled around, a reproachful exclamation ready in my throat. He knew how much Ellone meant to me…!

With one deft motion that was almost too quick for me to catch, Laguna brought my left hand forward and slipped something warm and hard onto a finger. He released my arm in the next moment, backing away a step as if he were scared of what he had just done—or scared of what I would say.

I lifted my hand to the moon, staring in amazement at the silver band that encircled the fourth finger of my left hand. It gleamed like the surface of a lake made molten and smooth beneath the moonlight and the gentle silver light of the stars overhead. The ring was still warm even after leaving Laguna's clenched fist where he had been holding it for the entire duration of our conversation. I looked over at him, mouth opening to speak, when he shyly raised his own left hand and showed me the identical band that fit around his ring finger and shone like the scales of a fish leaping into the sun. I stared up into his warm, slightly hesitant green eyes and brought my ring-adorned hand up as well, showing him the ring that he had given me—and sealing my promise with him.

We fell into each other's arms, suddenly too happy to say a single word.

***

"Laguna, are you really going after her?" I encircled my slightly rounded stomach with my arms and looked up at him, eyes watching for the slightest movement of his head.

Laguna nodded determinedly. "I have to," he replied. "I _can't let Sorceress Adel have Ellone, and you know that you wouldn't let her have her either."_

"But…" I cut myself off and watched helplessly as he started out the door, ready to leave me and our yet to be born baby behind. Then he paused and turned around to pull me into his arms for a single kiss, placing his lips against mine to remind me of all of the happy days we had spent together—me, Laguna, and…Ellone…

"I'll be back in time," he whispered in my ear. "I promise."

I relaxed, hugging him to me. "Then I won't worry. You have never broken any of your promises, Laguna. Just bring Ellone back to us."

Laguna stepped away but stopped again and looked into my eyes with a concerned expression. "You're…getting bigger. Is the baby due soon?"

I nodded, smiling up at him. "Just be back in time for its arrival. I'll be fine; I have Mrs. Tilincht and her daughters ready to help me in case it comes early. Go on! The sooner you leave, the sooner we'll have Ellone back with us. Maybe we'll be able to become a normal family."

"'Normal'? None of use are normal!" he returned laughingly. "Promise me, then, that you'll be all right and waiting for me when I get back with Ellone!"

"I promise!" I smiled before he finally left. I leaned against the doorframe and watched his back disappear into the distance, spreading my hands over the area in my body where a new life lay waiting to be born.

"Daddy will be home soon," I whispered to the little unborn child. "Just you wait…" 

***

Pain…_oh my God, make it go away…_

Waves of red tinged black splashed over my consciousness, bringing with it each time a new burst of pain. I vaguely heard Mrs. Tilincht in the background, ordering her girls around in her regular, business-like way.

"Hurry up and get those cloths, Irene. She's losing blood too quickly for my comfort. Well, move! What are you going to do, stand around all day and just gawk? And you, Cynthia! Come on, you've seen births before! Move it, girls!"

I think I would've laughed if I had had any strength left in me. All of my energy was being sapped away in an effort to stay alive and awake, crying out with the pain that burned through my body with short, electrical surges.

"Hold _on, Raine! Don't you dare go to sleep yet! Just a little longer…"_

_Just a little longer… I almost began to cry in frustration that I couldn't express. __Just a little more…then it'll all be over…_

_ _

_Laguna, where are you…?_

_ _

***

I forced myself to rouse out of my dreamless sleep, opening my eyes to a dim room with three faint shadows looming around me. With an effort, I cracked open my dry mouth.

"Where's…my…baby?" I asked in a horrible, croaking voice that rasped so harshly against my throat that I winced.

Mrs. Tilincht was at my side in an instant, forcing some water into my mouth. I gurgled and coughed, making her quickly withdraw in concern.

"Raine, are you all right?" she asked.

"Where…?"

"Oh, Raine…" Now Mrs. Tilincht sounded as if she was going to cry, and fear welled up in my heart. _My baby…?_

_ _

"He's absolutely beautiful," Mrs. Tilincht finally continued, bringing a slight bundle over to me. She gently placed it into my arms and pushed the obscuring blanket away.

Unblinking dark eyes stared up at me, a firmer echo of Laguna's. My own copper hair crowned the baby's head, falling a bit lopsidedly over his features. I breathlessly held him to me, weeping silent tears of joy and relief.

"He didn't cry at all when he first came out. Cynthia thought he was dead, but he was breathing well enough," Mrs. Tilincht explained. "He was absolutely silent this whole time."

The baby's eyes held me with their own, piercing into my mind. "Look at that," I whispered hoarsely. "He's got…Laguna's…eyes."

Then it hit me hard, as if I had just gotten slapped in the face. "Laguna! Where is he?" _He promised…he has to be here!_

"Laguna?" Mrs. Tilincht sounded puzzled. "He never came. The last report I got was that he was still hot on Ellone's trail."

_Oh, Laguna… My heart sank as I thought of Laguna, emerald eyes slanted in determination as he tracked Ellone and her kidnappers down._

_ _

_It was getting hard for me to breathe. Forcing myself to suck in more air, I pulled my baby's face up to mine and smiled weakly. "He's…like a little storm. Someday…he will be…a great person…like…his father." I gently kissed the top of the boy's head. "His name…is…Squall."_

Then the world began to slip away from me, falling out from my weakening mind and sending me down into darkness. I let myself fall, closing my eyes and surrendering myself to my fate.

"Oh, my God…we're losing her…"

_Thank you, Mrs. Tilincht, I wanted to say. But I couldn't even keep my grip on my son anymore. As much as I wanted to hold my—no, _our_—new child to me forever, my hands slowly slid away from his tiny form and fell limply to my sides, my head following suite as I distantly felt it roll back from its previous position. The pain in my chest that threatened to strangle my lungs into oblivion quickly cut off my air as Mrs. Tilincht's concerned face hovering over mine disappeared into darkness._

_Laguna…I'm so sorry…_

_ _

***

Why…why?

_I cannot cry as a ghost, and yet I feel the sudden urge to. Why did I have to remember my life like that again? Why?_

_ _

_Something akin to pain wells inside my heart, blossoming into a flower born of grief and despair. I squeeze my astral eyes shut and try to calm myself down. When I was alive, I would've been breathing hard in order to try and catch my beating heart at its proper pace._

_ _

_When I was alive…_

_ _

_I want to see Laguna__, my mind cries out. I want to see my son! Ellone! Where are all of you? I'm so alone…_

_White light appears, blinding my source of sight and filling my senses with a strange, heady feeling. I'm floating again, flying away, swirling around with my shapeless form being tugged one way and then another. Something begins to "mold" my ghost shape into a figure, pulling and stretching my curled up form out. Suddenly, I'm standing again, teetering on two legs that I had forgotten how to use. And here I am, in the bar I had known all of my past life…_

_ _

_A noise behind me makes me turn around. There, beside a glass bowl filled with slightly drooping white flowers, stand two teenaged boys and one girl of around the same age. One boy has blonde hair styled into a spike and a black tattoo slashed around his left eye. I wince inwardly, wondering what his mother thought of his style._

_ _

_The girl is short and wears a surprised expression on her sweet face. She has big, dark eyes and black hair with vivid brown highlights hanging over her shoulders. She looks sort of like an angel, for some reason. I took a liking to her anyway; I can tell that this girl has a lot of spirit—like me._

_ _

_But it is the last teenager who is the obvious leader of the trio that took my breath away. He towered over the other two, his gleaming copper hair catching the rays of sunlight and reflecting them off of his head. Cool dark eyes stare unblinkingly at me, giving me the feeling that I had known this boy from somewhere before…_

_ _

_My heart drops to my feet as I realize just who this slightly aloof boy is._

_ _

_Squall…?_

_But his eyes…his eyes are older now, wiser and full of carefully guarded pain. My son is a fighter; I could tell that by the angry red scar that slanted diagonally across the bridge of his nose and the challenging light that shone in his stormy eyes. The son I had hardly known is a leader, right from the way he carries himself to the silent air of authority he directs over the others._

_ _

_I smile briefly and let myself vanish, turning insubstantial and rising above the surprised heads of the three below. Now, at last…now I knew how my beloved son fared. Laguna is out of my reach, and Ellone is definitely not there. But still, I am content to finally go to sleep again, to slip back into my world of endless dreams. And there my spirit would patiently wait, waiting for the time when it would once again be reunited by the ones it loves.___

** **

Fin

_Notes:__ I first wrote this fanfic a long, long time ago, back when I was still in around the middle of eighth grade. It won third place in a contest that same long while ago, and it was my pride and joy then. Looking back at it now, I can definitely say that Inochi no Zankoku is my most favorite piece of work to date—but simply for past memories and simply because I want to share my literary works, I decided to post this story up at FanFiction.net. Needless to say, it _is_ revamped and edited—there's a whole new section that I added in, and there are slight changes in the rest of the text. I'm sure you can easily pick out the one section that I wrote; it's much better than the rest of the story in my opinion. If you can't (this also means that I have an inflated ego… XD), then it's the section where Laguna proposes to Raine. I just felt like it belonged there…just as Raine belongs to her family. _

__

_While I never liked FFVIII as a game, Raine was an intriguing but grossly underdeveloped character. Pops in and pops out without a trace—much like Aeris' ghost appearing and disappearing in the Church of Midgar. The last thing we see of Raine is her tombstone, and even then, it's hard to tell that she even is Squall's mother. I was disappointed with Square on that. In my opinion, not only was the plot a major letdown (let's hope they do a better job on the "love" theme in FFX), but the characters were too flat (no, the girls weren't quite flat physically, but what do I care?). Raine, Fujin, Julia, and Ellone—these four ladies were some of FFVIII's greatest mysteries. Raine was my first character story, with some of Ellone appearing in it; then was Fujin in Inochi no Zankoku, and finally, Julia will soon make her biographical debut in my upcoming "fill-in-the-story" fanfic. Watch out for her. ~_^_

_ _

_Kagé_

_ _

_Last modified: May 7, 2001___


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